Not On My Watch: Reclaiming Self-Care Before We Wilt and Burnout
One of the most notable self-care quotes comes from Audre Lorde in A Burst of Light (1988): “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence; it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” While it is the most notable quote, we are so far removed from Lorde’s meaning of self-care. Self-care is so commercialized and monetized that it feels inaccessible when it's most needed.
In my recent conversations with clients and colleagues, it is clear to me that self-care, that is, the act of prioritizing and intentionally engaging in things that are a source of strength and nourishment, is vital in this collective moment. People are losing jobs, operating in fear of losing their jobs, overextended trying to mitigate the damage from our new administration, and continuing to navigate work and social environments that perpetuate harm. The persistent need to be ready to react has many leaders in a never-ending state of survival mode. As Bryony Porteous-Sebouhian notes in her Mental Health Today article, “Dedicating time to self-care, in whatever form it may be, when living in survival mode, can feel quite unattainable.”
So now, the very thing that we have access to at all times (self-care) feels unattainable either because of its association with luxury or because we’re so overtaken by chronic stress that it feels too distant to tap into.
Not on my watch! We’re reclaiming our time. I refuse to watch, especially my BIPOC women and nonbinary leader comrades, wilt and burn out.
While self-care can involve getting a massage, mani, or pedi or going on vacation, at its essence, self-care is something we can access at any moment within ourselves and our community.
Self care is…
Self-preservation through communal efforts
As RVA Community Fridges reminds us, “Mutual aid means that we each give from our own abundance. It's sharing our abundance and receiving what we need.” When we engage in communal efforts to uplift our community, the love and joy we share return to us tenfold. Engaging in communal efforts minimizes feelings of isolation, boosts our mood, taps into our sense of purpose, and empowers us to create more change within our locus of control. This past weekend, I co-hosted a community dinner, with the purpose of making space for close friends to be in loving and joyous community, check in, and share needs and ways we could be of service to one another. People left feeling uplifted, seen, and connected.
What small, meaningful ways could you contribute to communal care in your immediate community this week?
Devoting time to things that are a source of strength and nourishment
As I struggled with financial worries and doubt about the future of my business this summer, I recommitted myself to a devotional practice to counteract my fears and infuse my weeks with faith, hope, and gratitude. My faith has always been a source of strength for me, though it’s looked different at various stages of my life. As a form of self-care, I wake up 15 minutes early each day to have time to meditate and do my devotional practice before the Little wakes up, and I end most days by gratitude journaling. Since beginning these practices, I have felt more nimble in the face of uncertainty. I also respond more easily to negative internal narratives with positive self-talk, affirmations, and mantras.
What practices or routines currently serve as sources of strength and nourishment in your life?
If you were to create a 15-minute daily practice that grounds and centers you, what might that look like?
A tool for functioning in the face of adversity
Music has been a source of release and helpful in soothing me during challenging times. I’m no musical connoisseur and don’t keep up with the latest and greatest. I have a couple of playlists that are my go-to for creating space in my mind and body to relax, move, activate loving memories, and experience joy. When I gift myself moments of being engulfed in my favorite songs, I feel more open and alive. Those minutes of singing along and dancing release tension and help me reconnect with myself. When my brain is elevated from its survivor brain, which operates out of fear, I can tap into my sage brain and get curious, creative, and focused enough to take intentional actions aligned with my values.
What helps you shift from a place of survival to a space of creativity and intention?
An act of returning to self
Naomi Fierro Peña, through her work as Founder and Creator of That Art Party, reminds us that we all deserve art and play. She encourages us to pause and nurture the part of ourselves that thrives and finds healing in using our hands to create, build, and experiment. There are spaces within us that long to be seen and cared for. We must pause long enough to listen to the wisdom our hearts, bodies, and inner child offer us. And after we listen, how can we have the courage to be responsive to what we’ve heard? My return to self has looked like me prioritizing time in the hammock between meetings instead of filling in all downtime with email checking and task completion. Learning to rest without guilt or shame and taking in the unrushed observation of the beauty of nature.
What parts of yourself are currently longing to be seen, heard, or nurtured?
Self-care is within us. Self-care and community care are foundational to the sustainability of our communities.
When your inner voice tries to dissuade you from leaning into rest, connection, joy, and movement, whisper back, “This is how I heal. This is how we heal.” Stand firm, knowing that pausing is your protection and rest is your resistance.
With love,
Tamisha
If you're finding it difficult to hear your inner wisdom through the noise of chronic stress and workplace demands, it's time to reclaim your power. Schedule a coaching consultation below. Let's create a personalized roadmap to leadership that honors your whole self—mind, body, and spirit.
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