Emotional Rest: Because your leadership can't run on empty
A BIT OF CONTEXT:
Hey yall!
For the past year, I haven’t prioritized reading for work. When I have downtime from raising the Little One, I dive into fantastical books with magic, dragons, new worlds, and justice after the chaos.
However, as we navigate our current reality, I’m drawn back to the books I collected over the past few years, some of which I started but never finished after maternity leave.
I’m restarting my professional reading practice and will occasionally share insights with you all, as a form of accountability.
I’m starting by revisiting works on rest. I’m going to finish Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith’s Sacred Rest. It’s been a while, so I decided to review the first half of the book before finishing up where I left off. And that’s how today’s newsletter was born…
When your emotional tank is running on fumes, even 8 hours of sleep won't refill it.
Emotional Fatigue
If you find yourself overwhelmed with focusing on your failures, flaws, and self-doubt or avoiding processing emotions about your current truth, you may be experiencing emotional fatigue.
Dr. Dalton-Smith describes emotional fatigue as when our emotional withdrawals exceed our emotional capacity. We may be unaware of how we're taking on the emotions of people around us, leaving us drained. Or we could be using up our emotional capacity to show up (in inauthentic ways) to please others.
If we lack spaces to show up as our authentic selves and share openly about the things on our hearts, those hidden truths turn into layers around us that make it challenging to restore our emotional capacity.
Emotional Rest
Emotional rest includes:
Opportunities to explore, encounter, and enjoy your emotions
Being in spaces and around people where you can show up authentically and not perform to external expectations
For me, this looks like weekly phone calls, video calls, and meetups with people in my life with whom I can be real. I can laugh loud, share my insecurities, and celebrate my mistakes as lessons learned. I also deposit back into my emotional bank during my daily quiet time, when I sit with my emotions, own them, and take time to understand them rather than ignore their presence and impact on my life.
I've felt depleted before and attributed it solely to needing a good night's sleep. As I've grown in my ability to assess my well-being on multiple levels, including on the emotional front, I recognize that a good night's sleep couldn't restore my emotional unrest.
My emotional unrest has eased as I've cultivated a loving, affirming, and supportive community whose interactions leave me energized and feeling seen. I no longer feel the pressure to hide challenges I'm navigating or act like I have it all together at all times.
Why does this matter for your leadership?
BIPOC leaders, especially women and nonbinary leaders, are often socialized to take on the task of tending to everyone's emotions and needs before their own. We may also find ourselves performing leadership and "professionalism" in ways that we hope shield us from being the target of racism, sexism, and homophobia. We're at significant risk of regularly being emotionally drained.
Do you want to be led by a leader who operates continuously from spaces of fear, shame, insecurity, and doubt? How might their emotional capacity show up in their interactions, decision-making, and ability to be visionary? We don't want to be led by that leader, and we don't want to be that leader.
Engaging in emotional rest and strengthening our emotional self-awareness increases our ability to lead in greater alignment with our core values.
Pause and Ponder:
When was the last time you had a real "emotional exhale" moment with someone who lets you be your whole self?
Where would the needle point be if your emotional energy tank had a gas gauge? ⛽ Full? Half-empty? Running on fumes and a prayer?
What's one small way you could create an "emotional rest stop" in your day tomorrow?
Share your emotional rest practices in the comments.
With rest and resilience,
Tamisha
P.S. Video messaging can be overwhelming for some. I use the Marco Polo app for video calls because I can leave a message and watch their message when I have time and energy. It's an asynchronous experience.
Schedule a consultation call today if you need help integrating wellness practices into your leadership. My coaching has helped leaders navigate workplace bias, establish boundaries that create capacity, and develop sustainable leadership practices that prevent burnout. I'd love to support you on your journey.
